So, it’s over.
He has left, he has walked out on you.
Your loneliness haunts you each day. You think you need someone to complete you and to make you happy. You are so used to having that one person who is always there to vent to, text and call daily.
You don’t know what to do with yourself. You spend countless days and nights crying your eyes out – questioning why – stalking his Facebook page, getting excited each and every time your phone rings or you receive a message notification, looking at WhatsApp to see if he is online, when he was last online.
You will hear a joke or read a funny post so you reach for your phone to text him because you know he will find it funny also only to realise at the last second that he’s not yours anymore and it would be a bad idea to text him – you put your phone down.
You are watching a movie and there is a scene that reminds you of him and you start to think of the good times, you miss him so you reach for your phone and realise it would be a bad idea to text him – you put your phone down.
You receive some great news, get a promotion, receive a raise so you want to share this exciting news with him because you know he will be so happy for you so you reach for your phone and realise it would be a bad idea to text him – you put your phone down.
You get sick, have days off work because you are so ill, you are at home in bed and you so want to call him because he will care that you are unwell and think he will make you feel better so you reach for your phone and realise it would be a bad idea to text him – you put your phone down.
Whether you’re the dumper or dumpee, it still hurts. You feel like a piece of you is missing and you don’t know how to deal with it. But trust me when I say that you can and you will heal in time – your broken heart will mend with time. You can’t see it now but it will.
They say one of the hardest thing to do in life is to let go of something you thought was real. And you thought he was real. You thought that this was the time you were waiting for – he was the one.
Stop torturing yourself by trying to figure out when everything went downhill, why your once happy relationship had to come to an end. Stop trying to figure out where you went wrong or maybe that you should’ve tried harder. Stop blaming yourself.
You may also have your moments where you actually convince yourself that no other man on the planet has the same qualities as him and think you have only two choices: get him back or settle for someone who will never measure up.
You will find someone even better and more compatible with you and then think back and realise how silly you were for being so upset about the whole breakup because eventually we all move on.
Whether you’ll admit it or not, chances are, the relationship fell apart for good reason. If you are having trouble letting go, you are probably reminding yourself of only the good times. And look in some cases, just because he left doesn’t make him a bad person, maybe he was brave enough to walk away from something that really wasn’t working anymore. Maybe you knew this as well but just too afraid of admitting it and letting go.
But regardless, I know it’s hard when it all comes to a final end. It’s hard to accept. You feel lost and weak.
But just remember – you are fighter.
Fight this pain, this hurt and really terrible feeling of rejection and loneliness you are feeling right now even if it wears you down. Fight even if it hurts so much that you are sobbing from the hurt and pain and feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest. Fight even if you think you can’t breathe anymore and life is just unbearable without him – fight it.
Focus on re-building your life in a way that makes you feel fulfilled and content with who you are. You probably relied on him to give you a feeling of worth, and now it’s time to take ownership and give it to yourself.
And don’t ever for a second, worry about what others will think of you following the break up. It does get hard when there are mutual friends and break ups are a great way of testing the loyalty of friendships. Only the true and loyal ones will hang around and support you without any judgment – and to the ones that disappear – give them a reason to take a second look. Show them what broken looks like. Show them that brokenness can come with a smile. Show them your scars are painted on your crown in gold and glitters.
Wear your pain like a crown and use your beautiful smile as your power.
But please please please don’t spend all of your time crying for him, thinking about him, wondering whether he is suffering as much as you are or whether he is already over you and interested in somebody else now. Stop dwelling and wallowing in self pity.
But even though I’m telling you all this I know you won’t listen – so for now go ahead and cry, mope and stay in bed all day. Feel the pain and hurt. Live your reality and misery. It’s OK to ride this wave of hurt and pain. We are human after all.
But then let it go ! Allow yourself to heal.
Don’t let it consume your life.
Don’t lock yourself up in your mental prison. You are not alone or unloved. Remember there are other people in your life who need you particularly if you have kids. And for parents that are witnessing their children go through these break ups, it’s so hard for them as they feel helpless while they try to support and console you.
Yes, we are human and we have normal human emotions. Cry it out, self talk and self heal. There will be no friend or psychologist by your side at 3am when you are woken up through the night having an anxiety attack being reminded that he is not there anymore by your side. You can and will heal – You have The Power.
You cannot change the past, but you can change your future. Now get up, get out of bed, have a shower, do your hair, put a nice outfit on, put some really really like REALLY high heels on and get out and discover life again. Moving on and making the most out of your life is 100% your responsibility.
There are seven billion people (half of which are men) in the world and you’re sitting there crying and waiting for that one person that doesn’t want to be with you.
No thank you, NEXT ????
[[ Post Note: This post was inspired by the new song by Ariana Grande that I heard on the radio this morning – “Thank You, Next”. Just love this song. I’ve been playing it all day ]]
Also, have a read of this for extra inspiration – Your Life, Your Script, Your Movie